Ms. In Charge - Step 1

After a while, you get bored of feeling that the world is dark and mysterious and beyond your comprehension.

In American politically-correct parlance, you start to say the World is ummm "Different".  "Special".  The World has a "Great Personality".  You accept it as it is.  You clearly understand your own limitations and those of the World.  You become comfortable being a polar bear in hibernation that occasionally comes out to sniff the coffee.

You just say, "Dear World, So nice of you to stop by.  Please call again in the summer."  

Feel like going home.  This doesn't feel like home, this moment.

63

"It's about having strong ideas loosely held".  Agility.  Adapting with the environment.  Am I adapting at all?  I wonder if i've changed since I was a little girl. I can't tell.  

Tallest Man on Earth

Everyone should be so lucky - to be completely sure of something.  That thing or the person that compels them.  That thing that grounds them.  That thing that helps to dispel fear. Some people are sure they will build large companies.  No matter how many client offices they are kicked out of, they keep working at the business.  Others are sure of their spouses.  Others get absolute comfort from their family.  Few friends.

I'm sure of myself.  I didn't want it to be this way.  You couldn't have found a person who was less interested in being responsible.  This wasn't a conscious attempt.  It just happened. I remember Nadiya had trekked me off to Peru alone because she thought I needed to realize that I needed people.  And I did.  Being alone in Titikaka (stunning) taught me that lesson so fast.  And yet, the respite beyond every respite, is in silence, in The Hindu, in Google, in bed, in imagining, in Sundays, in morning coffee.  Of course you break out of this quietude and always run to the same people.

I just can't say it like him.  Yet.

I Won't Be Found - Tallest Man on Earth :
Well if I ever see the morning
Just like a lizard in the spring
I’m gonna run out in the meadow
To catch the silence when it sings

I’m gonna force the Serengeti
To disappear into my eyes
Then when I hear your voices callin’
I’m gonna turn just inside out

Well if I ever get to slumber
Just like a mole deep in the ground
Hell, I won’t be found

Deep in the dust forgotten gathered
I grow a diamond in my chest
I make reflections as the moon shines on
Turn to a villain as I rest

Well if I ever get to slumber
Just like a mole deep in the ground
Hell, I won’t be found

I know there is a hollow
I need to fill it with a draft
Of all the words that I wont way
And with a quiet whisper
I send a curse upon the day
That never used the sun to see
The light

I’m gonna float up in the ceiling
I built a levee of the stars
And in my field of tired horses
I built a freeway through this farce

Well if I ever get that slumber
Ill be that mole deep in the ground
And I won’t be found

CWG

Delhi is like a bride-to-be waiting for her Commonwealth groom to embrace her.  She's on a self-improvement plan to be worthy of her groom and guests when they come on the big day.  She wants to shine.  Various vendors in the construction industry that have been hired for her beautification.  She's lucrative.  She's his good luck charm.  Jaha jayagee, paisa banaygee.  Lakshmi ghar meh padhar rahee hai.  She's got a trail of people in Committees organizing various events, facilitating the comfort of her guests.  Everyone will be watching her on the day.  The anticipation builds as we approach the occasion.  We've invested 30,000 crores in her to go forward.  Will her groom take her where she wants to go?

FreeWill

"You are what your deep, driving desire is
As your desire is, so is your will
As you will is, so is your deed
As your deed is, so is your destiny" - Upanishads

Socio

It just occurred to me, if you're poor wanting to marry rich, you're a gold-digger.  If you're rich marrying rich, you're marrying for love, similarity in values, similarity in families. I'm puzzled by the difference in perception.